i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
