i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
