Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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