i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
