Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
