are you so shy because you have an std?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
