Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
