Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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