We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
