Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
