i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
