Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
