since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
