ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
