I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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