Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize