he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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