A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
