Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
