I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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