My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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