I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
