DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
