I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
