If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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