the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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