Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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