it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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