At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
