Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
