if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
