Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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