just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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