So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
