I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
