How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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