Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
