apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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