Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
