so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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