He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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