She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
