It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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