I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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