And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
