a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
