so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
