So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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