I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
