I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As shirtless as possible
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
