hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
