why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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