So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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