I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
