I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I touched a dick in church today
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
