You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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