I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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