ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
