I got chris browned last night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
