if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
