I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
