Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
