the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
