that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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