but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
