the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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